(Well, the main ones anyway.)



The cantankerous curator of the Obsoleteum, Hector distrusts modern technology to the point where he even chose to have a clockwork pacemaker instead of an electric one: he has to keep winding himself up manually using the turnkey sticking out of his chest. Passionate about old technology to the point of narrow-mindedness, Hector’s stubbornness is both his greatest asset and his greatest weakness. The Uptodateum across the street represents everything he hates and everything he’s frightened of - for him, the old ways aren’t just the best way, they’re the only way. His motto is “If it ain’t broke - DON’T BRING OUT A NEW ONE, THE OLD ONE WAS FINE!”



The world-weary in-house caretaker of the Obsoleteum, George often bears the brunt of Hector’s relentless barrage of half-baked museum-saving ideas. Always on hand with the pragmatic solution to any problem - only to then have that solution batted away - George soon discovers he’s mysteriously proficient at a number of highly skilled practices, including sea navigation and medical surgery. How did he learn these skills? And why can’t he remember anything from before he turned thirty?




Curator of the Uptodateum, Biz moves at a hundred miles an hour -  as part of a generation who completely lack patience, waiting for longer than three seconds for anything is not her forte. Tall and thin with short, frazzled hair and twitchy features, she’s always one energy drink away from a breakdown. A millennial with a touch of mad scientist, Biz embraces technology and reckons it’s the solution to any and every problem. In fact, she’s completely reliant on smart-tech to the point where anything more practical usually flummoxes her. Hector might not be able to work a computer, but Biz probably couldn’t find her way to the local store for a pint of milk without GPS, or instagramming a retro milk bottle so everyone can laugh at how antiquated it is.



Half robot, half hologram Uptodateum assistant Phil has a naive, child-like view of the world around him, believing the best in everyone - think Kenneth from 30 Rock meets C3PO. Being half robot and half hologram is, of course, completely impractical: he’s adorably useless. This makes him a rare thing: an AI that Biz keeps around due to personal attachment rather than technological advantage. It’s incredibly easy to pity Phil, because he’s incredibly easy to disappoint. He has a limited range of emotions, but they work in extremes: he can veer from extremely hopeful and optimistic to completely dejected in seconds - imagine the way kids express themselves via emojis, but made terrifyingly real.


Illustrations by Tom Crowley